No messy divorce. Instead, you have one of those made-in-heaven marriages. He’ll take care of you when you’re old. He really, really loves you.

No outside counselling. He has no interest in couples therapy. He doesn‘t have big issues with you. He doesn‘t wish you were this, that, or different. His love for you is unconditional. Sure, he might wish you balanced your chequebook, lost ten pounds, or cleaned the house more often, but he is not seriously annoyed or upset about it. He finds it all amusing. Ultimately, he finds most things about you adorable. He doesn‘t feel the need to consult a professional to talk about his feelings. He’s busy planning your next vacation or chasing you around the house for a quick kiss.

No anxiety. You’re not walking on eggshells. You’re not always wondering if you hurt his feelings or said the wrong thing. You know that he will always forgive you, not hurt you, that he is ready to make up with you at a moment’s notice.

No physical abuse. He treats you like a fragile, delicate flower. He cups your face, rubs your back when you’ve had a hard day, and strokes your hair as if it were silk. You don’t have to worry about being battered.

No cheating. He thinks you’re more beautiful than other women (even if you’re not). He doesn‘t want to have sex with anyone but you; he can’t get enough of you and even wants to build up his biceps for you. You can leave him in a room full of gorgeous women and not worry. When he loves you, he loves you!